(((Hugs to you)))
I know the feelings you are describing all too well.
I am the adult child of an alcoholic, who was the adult child of an alcoholic, I am an alcoholic, married to the adult child of an alcoholic, who is a heavy drinker. I could go on and on, but, I am sure you get the picture.
I am sober today by the Grace of God and the program of AA. I am able to live, enjoy, survive and thrive today because of Al-Anon, and learning about co-dependency.
Yes, there are places I avoid because of alcohol. But, I have found ways to even be around alcohol and still have fun.
I had to do some work, take the actions, follow the program.
Alcoholism is a family disease, it holds everyone hostage. There is hope, and cycles can be broken.
Peace