Hailee, how can your AH
"talk[s] all of the AA talk" and yet
"hates AA-says it is for losers? "He has no follow through. Thinks he can do it alone". He needs to be doing more than
"talking the walk".
You have been married 10 years and the longest period of sobriety that you have seen is 5 months. He has failed to provide financial child support, let alone any type of support for you and his children. It sounds like you are being the only one responsible.
If he has three months of sobriety that is not enough time to gauge to find out if he truly wants recovery. However, there are 800 miles separating you two, so how can you know what he's
actually doing?
If he has just stopped drinking for the last three months, that, in my mind, is not wanting recovery. If he had gone to an AA meeting for the ninety days that would show you
more that he seriously wanting recovery.
If he wants recovery, and is willing to make the effort to get it, then he is ready to take certain steps. These are the principles that will make his recovery possible.
1. Admitted that he was powerless over his addiction or his addict or alcoholic and that his life had become unmanageable. 2. He came to believe that a Power greater than himself could restore him to sanity. 3. He made a decision to turn his will and his life over to the care of God as he understood Him. 4. He made a searching and fearless moral inventory of himself. 5. He admitted to God, to himself, and to another human being the exact nature of his wrongs. 6. He was entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. He humbly asked Him to remove his shortcomings. 8. He made a list of all persons he had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. He made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. He continued to take personal inventory and when he was wrong promptly admitted it. 11. He sought through prayer and meditation to improve his conscious contact with God as he understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for him and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, he tried to carry this message to addicts and, and those who love him and to practice these principles in all his affairs.
Alcoholism is a disease, as is co-dependency, being addicted way beyond love toward the unacceptable behavior of the addict or alcoholic. The sooner we face our problems within society, in everyday living, just that much faster do we become acceptable, responsible, and productive members of that society.
There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery; this is an attitude of indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles. Three of these that are indispensable are honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. We must also increase our Faith in a Higher Power, a force bigger than ourselves, which is capable of healing we could never do all by ourselves. With these steps toward changing ourselves first, we can begin again.
Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Love and Peace,
Phoenix