Perhaps another recovering alcoholic (19+ years) can she some light. Your husband's behavior certainly is unacceptable.
We have a saying: you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber ... in other words, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. But alcoholics can change and grow when they have a program like AA and therapy. That and a wonderful psychiatrist who keeps me sane with anti-depressants. If I didn't work hard on myself I'd probably be just like your husband (although it's unlikely I'd have stayed alive very long)
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What we learn in AA is this: I am responsible for everything I think, say and do. I have to change myself if I want friends and family, must become a warm giving person instead of someone who just takes from others. The self-pity, anger, self-hate, enormous ego plus low self-esteem had to change and with a lot of work, I don't resemble that person.
What is critical is that you take care of yourself and the children. There is nothing you can say or do that will affect someone who won't get help, but you can part ways with a destructive and self-destructive person who will either sink or swim on his own. Continuing to stay is enabling the bad behavior.