I recognise that one of the tenets of Al-Anon is that you can’t make the A quit, so you look after yourself which helps you and indirectly is conducive to the A seeking help. An epiphany we probably all have had in order to start getting somewhere.
But other than simply not enabling, can passive pressure be brought to bear to help? I suppose it just the “degree” of not-enabling isn’t it?
If it is true that the A must hit “rock bottom” in order to seek true recovery, can that reaching “rock bottom” be reached sooner by outside influence?
I’ve read the great sticky on “
10 ways to help an alcoholic”, awesome stuff in that one .
I do examine to what I extent I enable but where does “enabling” end, and outright “punitive measures” begin? My A is the housewife and receives a salary of sorts. For the most part she does an OK job but clearly it makes for easy liquor money.
I could cut off that money supply (taking on the purchasing role myself) but I would feel it borders on vengeful or punitive, removing responsibility from her and treating her like a child.
Equally taxing is the contradiction of removing her responsibilities which is generally felt not to be a good thing since does it encourage progression of the addiction? Clearly I have not done this (removed the wages) yet, but I worry that leaving her with access to it is enabling.
Conversely I worry that if I took it away, her minor sorties into my wallet might become something more. That said, a night in Jail might be helpful for her self-realisation at this stage
