she keeps asking for reassurance that I won’t end the marriage (wording varies each time) and that “...I need to know that you won’t leave me...” and such like.
This is STILL manipulation on her part. Generic answers like:
"only time will tell", "we'll see" are really all you can give.
but how do I support the lovely woman locked inside with the hideous demon which controls her 50% of the time?
Sad to say you cannot. That is what the residential treatment is for. They will support her, they will pull her covers in group and in private sessions.
What you can do is work on you, and figuring out what you can do for you and your child to give you both some semblance of serenity. Come here as often as you need, and sit back over the next months and WATCH her ACTIONS. That will tell you what is really going on ....................... not the words coming out of her mouth.
J M H O
Love and hugs,