Sobriety has not ended this, entirely with my A.
He is still outrageously selfish. To shocking degrees, at times. I am still, even shocked at myself sometimes for thinking that he may act differently.
Something has been said to me from time to time about a few extremely selfish people in my life, it goes like this...
"you cannot take that behavior personally. They would treat anyone that way.."
Now, I have found that to be true, to varying degrees. My A will be super selfish when he knows someone else will pick up the slack. He also can be very helpful to people if it will give him an image boost up.
My A has a cold. He expects me to be falling over with compassion and just distraught over it. Yet, when I had a flu, and our son was up at 7, after I was up all night, he was very unconcerned. When I said I was sick, and asked him to help after he slept in for 7 hours, he was annoyed.
He also will expect sympathy, or a "sorry" for something that he experiences that hurts him, but, if I express wanting him to have my back in the same way, he says I am needy, and codependent.
He is learning, though...VERRRRRY slowly, LOL>
I can see his A-HA maoments, and I do feel bad, sometimes, because if it was me, it would truly really crush me to see myself being that much of a selfish person. ALmost too much to own, too much to feel.