I may be considered harsh with this, but to me, if he is drinking himself to death, or is voiding blood from every orifice that is his medical problem....one which he is doing all he can to ignore and pretend is not there.
What grabbed me, was you saying your INNOCENT, FRIGHTENED 12 year old daughter and her friend were hiding in her room, because he is a nasty, scary and mean mouthed drunk.
No, my dear....your daughter does not need, want or deserve, to be put in this situation, and she has been stuck in it by her father and to some extent, by you.
He could take control and care of his actions and medical problems, other than denying he is ill, and continuing to drink.....that is his choice.
You could allow him to do as he wishes, but also remove yourself and your daughter from being with him as he does his thing, either by him leaving or you doing so.
I do know how hard that is, as I did it myself.......but it could not be as hard or harmful as staying and causing more upset, pain and possible damage to your young girl.
I think she deserves to come first in priority with you, then yourself, and your AH, who has his own agenda, comes way after you two.
As I said, I may sound unfeeling and harsh, but I do feel much less for you AH than I do for your girl and you.