When I first came into the program (AA) I found myself facing the same dilema - I'd been raised Catholic and it just hadn't "rung true" for years -
I used to lay in bed at nite, before going to sleep and try to "picture" *MY* Higher Power. It was really difficult in the beginning - my upbringing clashed with what I *wanted* to believe. I gave myself permission to picture and 'try out' whatever image and characteristics came to mind.
I only did this at bedtime - a quiet time of day. Looking back, I prob'ly spent months doing that. It wasn't really an easy process, but was more than worth it. Sometimes I just prayed "Please help me find You". Most of all, I realized that I had to be quiet and listen - and not try SO hard. Your HP already knows where + who you are.
Blue