Just to let you know that you are not alone. big hugs! Been through this one too this past year. A lot of ups and downs but the conclusion I came to is the same as yours - I didn't want to live this way anymore - I didn't want to hurt this way anymore and I didn't want to hurt my AH either (I think he is doing enough of that himself).
I have choices, he has choices - the process is started and it will have a end - I just not sure which ending at this point - but getting my emotions to catch up with my head and values in life.
BTW - isn't it awful to deal with this stuff at this time of year? Actually, for me, it helped to clear my vision.
