The person I'm with has been sober for almost 20yrs but displays a lot of the behaviors I'm reading about from different people on this site. The self centeredness, stingy, closed off, irrational behavior seems to me to be part of the alcoholic wether they are drinking or sober or 20yrs sober. I'm beginning to think there are traits with the alcoholic that make them very difficult to deal with. I hope I'm wrong because this whole realization that I'm starting to have is scaring me and I think that I may be in the middle of something that has no resolution.