Hi - I've been lurking on these forums for quite a while. Your histories - as expected - almost mirror my own.
2 days before Thanksgiving, my AH has decided to pull a geographic and "start over" in Florida - his family lives there. He hasn't had fruitful employment in over six months and the unemployment had run out.
We were married 10 years and the last 4 have been miserable for me. I'm but pretty sure he has some type of addictive personality disorder. He went to rehab 4 years ago for cocaine addiction and became sober - from cocaine - but not from anything else - pot and beer have become his constant companions. He was a gifted master carpenter who made employee of the year a few years ago and was well on his way to senior management when he threw it all away over cocaine.
I am heartbroken but day by day, I'm finding myself relieved that I don't have to deal with his "high maintence" personality anymore. For example, making sure he had meat with his meals 3x per day, making sure beer was in the fridge, making sure (insert crazy demand here)...yadda, yadda, yadda.
BUT - I find myself feeling guilty over my personal resentments towads him. When he came back from rehab and was still drinking - I should have put him out but didn't. I just seethed over it and I know resentment had a part in killing our relationship. According to him I should have, "forgive and forget". Well how could I "forgive and forget", when he was still using???
So here I am - feeling both relieved he left and guilty he left. I vowed to myself that I am taking the next year to work on me - I have a strong spirit that I know isn't dead - I'm a wonderful person who deserves better then how I've been treated. Just waiting for my heart to catch up to my head...
Thanks for letting me talk
HAPPY NEW YEAR!