Originally Posted by
franie 
What a smoke screen - the fact that you think that his European culture does not see drinking too much as serious does not mean that it is not a problem. And the points programme you speak about is not one that is well know or followed by many (if anybody). It is an excuse for him and for you. I am European and work in public policy and have a research doctorate in public health and disagree that this is part of European Culture. I do not mean to be harsh - I have/had a drink problem and I know all the excuses and recognise this as being one.
Thanks for the additional info.
My thing is and I hope I can articulate this, is that I have to give him room to grow from his ideas based on his culture to what is actually true. Does that make sense? I agree with you, but I was also dealing with someone who had some strong beliefs that alcoholism is okay because everyone in his culture does it.
So the last big episode of drinking, which was his DUI, I attempted to expose him to different sources of information that challenged his preconceived ideas, denials, deflections and beliefs . Obviously I couldn't make him change his ideas (neither could the court) and clearly I was not successful in having any kind of meaningful impact.
I am learning too that I have been very naive myself in all of this.
But I tried to bridge the gap to give him the resources so he could make a change if he wanted to. This also points to how little ownership he has taken of the problem. I have done a lot of the leg work which really should not be my job. He has superficially said all the right things, done many of the right things but his heart and soul is not into it.
Without me setting boundaries, he would be a much more regular drunk and spiraling down. But I am not his momma and I don't want to be because he's stealing me from myself and he's robbing his daughter as well.
V