I finally walked, after 5 years of total insanity due to my AH's alcohol induced dementia.
The idea of spending retirement with him drinking himself blotto, when we had such lovely plans that had been now tossed aside, made me angry and ill.
Given the choice of our then 27 years of marriage continuing with him sober, or him drinking and me leaving, he chose to drink and said goodbye to me. Less than a week and I was gone.
Did I feel sad, angry, guilty and a total loss of confidence in myself? Did I ever.
For the first few months I had to adjust to living in a flat, alone for the first time in my life.
I was 47 years old, and because of an accident some years before, in chronic pain and unable to work, as a nurse. While on disability pension I got my Counselling Certificate, then graduated with my degree in psychology.
Had I stayed with him, I would never have succeeded in those studies, or been game enough to go near computer work. The darn things usually went offline when I went into a bank, and ATM's scared me to death.
I figure I would have had my heart attack years earlier than I did, maybe had more than that one, and have no doubt that my life would have been a misery, with me then dying before him. And my being there would have changed absolutely nothing, for him or his absolute desire to guzzle his way thru 6 litres of wine a day.
Sacrificing ourselves on their altar of addiction, is beneficial to no-one, so if you can escape the hell that lies in store I recommend doing so now.
He is not unaware of the consequences of his continued drinking, and if he drinks it is because it is his choice to do so....without asking you for your input.
You see that he only thinks it is his business, and cannot see how much you are also deeply involved, how much your marriage and life together has been, and will be damaged by his actions.
When I was told that my AH had decided how he was going to spend his retired life, and that I HAD NO INPUT into it at all, I told him I was done.
You are in a similar place, as he decides what sort of hell your marriage is to be, and your input is also unwanted.
For your own sanity and health, you need to put yourself first now, because he has put his drinking first for him.
It will be hard, and cause grief and loss at first, but as I and others have found the result will be you living the life you wish and deserve.
I refused to be a martyr to my late XAH or to RABF, in their alcohol addiction.
I hope you accept my words as coming from someone who hates the idea of a young woman sacrificing herself to some alcoholic's selfish desire to drink himself to death.