I recently came to terms with this. I read up a bit on the phenomenon of "deflection"-- the best definition I found was "self hate unloaded onto others." My aexh has elevated this to an art form.
The last email I got from him regarding anything besides child care arrangements was full of rage and devoid of any logic. I'm really not guilty of the things he accused me of... and I spent some time considering whether or not there was any truth to what he said. Do I feel like the world owes me? Am I a chronic liar? I'm really not. I have plenty of flaws, but those aren't among them. Whatever he's seeing, it's not me. "We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are" sums up what's going on in his head.
It was just noise. It wasn't personal, it wasn't about me, it's pretty much the same as a thunderstorm. I didn't do anything to deserve his anger any more than I did something to deserve thunder, lightning and rain. The weather can't control itself and he can't control himself.
When I understood that, it quit hurting me.