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Old 12-29-2010, 06:43 AM
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IWLSAST
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
61 days sober...not sure i'll make 62

Well here i sit, 61 days sober today...not real sure that i will make it to 62. No, i haven't given up, and i do plan to fight this very strong urge that has been building over the past few days. I just cannot honestly predict the outcome.

For the most part this has been an easy ride...fought off a few triggers early on, then clear sailing until a couple days ago. I broke my first real attempt at sobriety in seven years of 111 days in the fall because i was feeling great about the rapid turnaround in my life's circumstances and thought i could handle a couple drinks, then home. After the seven weeks of drinking that followed, i had pretty much lost all that i had gained...and most notably and sadly, the woman i had planned to share the rest of my life with.

I started this curent sober odyssey sad, heartbroken, yet hopeful. On a positive note, i can honestly say that broken hearts do mend...my xgf is mere passing thought from time to time. The more difficult part about this is my commitment to not get involved in a relationship again until i have had a year of sobriety. I was married for 25 years...all but the last very good. Divorced 4 yrs ago and until the past two months have pretty much always been with somebody. When i am not drinking, i thrive in a relationship...so this year off is rather difficult to swallow.

My real issue is not that...it is the advancing decline of my Dad and his Alzheimer's. I spend every Saturday and half of Sunday with him...taking over for the caregivers. Last week, over Christmas I was there for five days. While advanced now, he has had this disease for more than a decade. He is still not at a point where an Alzheimer's ward is the answer. Have you ever seen one of those terrible, horrible places? Anyway, I often leave there in a depressed state...and the constant stress of that situation was for sure the catalyst that broke my 11 years of sobriety in the past...and has me feeling like drinking today!!

Well, i have gone on long enough...and since I do not have a significant other in my life to bounce this with, and AA meetings simply do not work for me, (yes, i have tried quite a few), i thought i would throw this out to my sr friends. For now, i am off to the gym and lunch with a good friend, then run some chores...the universe has the rest of the day.

Carlos
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