New here - very confused
I am new to SR and I am very confused.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. On our 2nd date he told me that he was an alcoholic and had been sober for the past 3 years with AA. About 4 months into our relationship he started drinking. He tried to tell me that he wasn't really an alcoholic and he could drink "socially like everyone else". Well this did not work! He went on like this for about 2 months and the drinking just got more and more. Then he was in a horrible motorcycle accident (all due to his drinking). He then told me that he knew he could not handle drinking and this was his wake up call. He was sober for about 2 months until one day we had an argument and he went on a week long bender. Once again, he called me for help and wanted to stop drinking.
All was going well for a few months and then we decided to move across the country to be close to my family. We moved this summer and the summer was very difficult. Due to financial issues we moved in with my parents for what was supposed to be just a month, but it has continued. He is a full-time student and could not find a job just for the summer months so we had a lot of free time. We went on a weekend trip to a family cabin with several family members and he hated it. He was grouchy and secluded himself most of the weekend. I found out later that my brother saw him drinking that weekend.
Once his schooling started again I really thought things would be better. It was so good for him to be busy and feel like he is doing something important. It wasn't even one month and he was drinking again. On a fFriday evening he called me from school and told me he wasn't coming home, he was going to "hang out with his friends". I immediately knew he was drinking. He didn't come home until Sunday night. He apologized over and over to me and even went and talked to my parents and apologized to them. Just one week later he went on a bender and didn't come home for 10 days. He then called me and begged for help. He said he wanted help. However, at this point my parents were done and told me that he was not allowed to live at their house anymore.
Again, I helped him. He did have to move into a small apartment near his school, but of course he couldn't afford it so I helped with that too. In mid-November he did it again. This time he didn't have any money so he pawned his laptop computer, MY tv set, and a computer that he borrowed from the college (I did not know about the pawning until a few days ago)! I told him I was done and I could not do this anymore. I had told him several times that if he ever did this again I was leaving, but of course I never did. This last time I told him I wouldn't talk to him or anything unless he went into inpatient (I NEVER thought he actually would).
On December 15 he went into an inpatient treatment center for a month. He seems to be really doing it this time, but I am so hurt, angry, and distrusting now. I don't know what to do. I want to believe this will work and we can have a future, but I am so unsure. It is causing issues in many parts of my life. My mom is my best friend and she absolutely hates him. I am trying to be supportive of him, but that causes her and I to clash a lot. The rest of my family does not like him, but they have all said that they will support me in whatever I decide, they are just worried about me. I know my mom will do the same thing, but it is hard.
I have many mixed feelings about what to do. I really do love him. I want to believe this treatment is going to be successful for him, but I don't know. I know I will worry about his drinking for years. I also feel this immense guilt for bringing him across the country and then leaving him at a time when he needs support the most. When we moved here we both understood that I would need to be the financial supporter for the next 2 years while he finishes school, so how do I leave him with nothing? I just don't know if I will ever be able to really trust him again. I have told him this and he does understand. I told him I honestly don't know if we can ever work, but I do have hope.
Am I totally crazy for trying again? My family is my best support system, but I feel like I can't really talk to them about this. I feel so confused and alone.