kelly,
I am married to a very high functioning alcoholic.
I have gone around one million times about whether he IS or ISN'T an alcoholic.
Does it change a darn thing?
No.
So, I look at his behaviors.
Are they acceptable to me?
No.
Lying?
Nope.
Hiding drinking?
Nope.
Denial?
Nope.
Lack of communication?
Nope.
Unconscious behaviors?
Nope.
Defensive, mean, grumpiness when pressed?
Nope.
None of those are okay treatment of me.
So, regardless of what his deal is, I have set boundaries for myself to take care of myself.
I moved out and got a new job and a new home.
He may or may not (probably not) change and that is not my business or job.
My job is to take care of me.
Hope that helps. :P
Peace