I felt the same way about my AW too Rhode. She was a good woman in the beginning but all that changed as time went on. The disease is progressive and I am a direct witness to that. Twenty years later and I finally realized she just can't stop drinking. She would if she could but she just cannot. It's the nature of the beast. Even though she slowly destroys herself and our marriage. I have decided for my own sanity to detach from her when she drinks. Only problem is she drinks all the time which means no nights out, no dinners, no vacations, no life together. I find that I go everywhere alone though I'm not lonely. It just seems like a matter of time before the marriage ends. Used to be I fought to keep us together but it seems I don't have it in me much longer. I'm starting to get over the anger I was feeling and seem more resigned to the fact that fighting someone elses alcoholism is a loosing battle. Maybe it time to just move on. Hope ur situation improves but be careful. You don't want to loose twenty years like I did