Thanks StarCat and Barb for your responses. I really have tried to say, "I'm not mad at you, but I want you to be happy. I don't expect you to change for me," and all of that stuff. It's causing enough friction between the family and other friends and me that I feel like the only answer is to separate myself totally from the family and friends because I can tell they think I'm attacking him or making it more dramatic.
I guess I was trying to find something he might read that would help him see he's putting himself in a bad situation and is displaying signs that he has a problem. I feel helpless watching him as he is now, and feeling like I'm a bad friend not saying or doing anything. And I feel like ignoring it like his family or continuing to drink with him or drive him places like our other friends is enabling it.
I know I can't expect him to change for anyone else, and he has to get there on his own time. I guess I was trying to help him get there faster simce he has admitted he can't stop drinking when he starts. But that's probably wishful thinking.
And I know a lot of friends/his family think I have gone overboard. They think I have made my point and should go back to the way things used to be. But I am done enabling it, and done putting up with emotional abuse that he doesn't remember so he can't change or apologize for.
Thanks again form the responses! Hopefully I will get that book before he and I sit down and talk!