Is he an alcoholic?
I have been struggling with a friend who doesn't drink everyday, goes to work and is fully functional. I always say "he has a drinking problem,” because I’m unsure if he is an alcoholic. Alcohol seems to be taking control of his life. He's 24 and is halfway out of the closet (he's come out to some people, sort of come out to others, and denies it completely to others). He's been binge drinking for as long as we've been friends (about five years). When I first became friends with him, he was the one who would always be throwing up at the end of the night. Now he rarely throws up, but blacks out regularly, and has a very high tolerance. I don’t think him not throwing up is because he controls his intake better, however. And over the past year or so, his binge drinking results in him being very angry, aggressive, selfish and dramatic. He picks verbal fights with people, appears (from the little he will confirm) to be having unprotected sexual encounters with other men, uses and lies to everyone around him, etc.
He has two DUIs, and I believe the only reason he doesn’t have more is because he finds friends to pick him up and drive him around. He has admitted to me he has a drinking problem and wants to stop drinking, but days later will be back at it. He says his problem isn't that he NEEDS to drink, it's that he over-drinks. Due to all of this, we no longer hang out.
Our group of friends is young and everyone's single so drinking is included in a lot of activities (good or bad, it is what it is). I know there are two reasons these friends don't want to stand up to him. One, they want to drink. And second, it's hard to stand up to someone. There also seems to be a lot of bonding with the morning-after hangovers, misery, etc. And while many of those in recovery on other posts have said blackouts are frightening to the person who has them, in this case it’s found as “cool” and humorous.
The other issue I have is I am close to his family. They go back and forth on whether he has a problem, and because of this, I can't even get backup or support from them in trying to convince him to make a change. They believe because he goes to work, is so young, and is able to explain it away that he doesn't have a problem. And maybe he doesn't. I know many young people do drink from high school until they settle down then are able to stop drinking. The things that worry me are his emotional state from being in the closet as well as the way his personality changes when he drinks.
He and I are supposed to get together and talk about our friendship (at this point the lack thereof). And I know I shouldn't give him an ultimatum or force him into treatment. What I'm looking for is some type of literature to create talking points about how he is a type of alcoholic, if in fact anyone thinks he is or soon will be one. Despite how he's treated me and everything involved as this disease is affecting him, I want better for him.
Any feedback?
PS- I just ordered "Under the Influence" today. But if there are other books, sites, etc. that help explain more than the most common form of alcoholism (where they're drinking everyday, and go into withdrawals without it), I'd love to read about that, or would buy other books I could share with him or potentially his family.