Agreed with the last poster. My alcoholic sister has many great qualities--she is a fantastic writer, is smart as a whip, and has a wonderful witty sense of humor. She is fiercely loyal. She is a lovely person. But she is also an alcoholic, and I can't control that or cure that. What I can do--accept her for who she is, and decide on boundaries that are best for me when it comes to her alcoholism. When she is drinking, I cannot be around her. I have boundaries that dictate that her drinking behavior = I do not have contact with her. I love her, and I always tell her this, but for my own sake, I cannot be dragged down into her problems and her alcoholism. So I separate the two and encourage the sober sister in her, but only when she has chosen to want to get sober.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we have choices, just like the alcoholic has choices. You can't control your wife's drinking, sadly. What you can do...is learn what you are willing to live with and learn to have a relationship with her that takes the entire person into account--a good mom, and an alcoholic. With me, I had to separate from my sister to get to the point where I could see her for who she is, disease and all. I love her, but I have boundaries and consequences when it comes to her drinking. I know you love your wife, but she will not get help and she won't stop drinking until she is ready to. But you can help yourself in the process, and learn to be supportive of her in healthy ways--setting boundaries that protect you, and encouraging her if she seeks help. You can still show her support in terms of her being a good mom and set boundaries and consequences when it comes to her drinking.
Have you thought about an outside support system like al-anon? I tried al-anon, but what has helped me is seeing a therapist regularly and posting on this forum. Everyone is different when it comes to support, but in my experience, you do need some kind of support. You cannot go at this alone.
Hope my rambling makes some sense and is of help to you!