Dyana,
One of the stories that has been most helpful to me came from a young (15) girl that comes to our NarAnon meeting, she is the sister of an addict.
She told about her dad (who is also an addict,) who lives with his mother and his mother gives him everything he needs - a place to live, a bed to sleep in, tv to watch, food to eat and even gives him money which he uses to buy drugs and alcohol. The mother is old and ailing, she should be buying her medication with that money, but instead she gives it to her son. Who will be providing for that man when the mother dies??? No one!!!
So, why was I so worried about my son, being hungry, homeless, uncomfortable, etc. He is an adult and is capable of taking care of himself. If I die tomorrow, no one will step in and take care of my son. So . . . . what I learned was to let go. It is better to let go then to keep "helping". "Helping" wasn't working, it wasn't "helping", it was only an excuse for me to take the easy way out. Not "helping" is hard - YOU CAN DO IT!