Update/question
Joined STBXAH and his family for Christmas dinner for the kids benefit. Found out a few interesting details that thankfully backed my decision to leave. I guess I would rather see his doing better for himself, but it is always nice to know that you are on the right path.
What I found out was: one he is drinking again and two even though he quit his job and can't pay his bills and I am going to have to take over the car payment in my name he said he would pay (surprised? NO, but still) and his parents are going to have to pay his student loan he somehow managed to buy himself a handgun for Christmas.
I thought Christmas would be difficult and it was, but I was thankful that the person I had to deal with was the irresponsible STBXAH instead of the "look how sweet I am" one because I was afraid of being sucked back in.
Something bothered me though about dinner...his family went ahead and served wine, spiked eggnog, and champagne with dinner even though STBXAH was supposedly quitting drinking (he drank so clearly he isn't) and they know he is an alcoholic. I think I have seen posts similar to this before so sorry if this is a repeat, but what do you think the responsibility of the family of an A is? I would think serving alcohol at a family function when someone is newly in recovery (or supposedly trying to be) is a kind of questionable behavior. Any thoughts?