but there is in fact a reason people said that.
Here are some things we know to be true:
"He has been in AA for a total of 3 years, but lapsed and is now coming up on his 1st anniversary for the 2nd time. (I know relationships in the first year usually have issues, but since he has been in AA for 3 years, is this still considered his first year because he lapsed?)" You decided to date a man when you knew the relationship would have issues and when you knew he was an alcoholic-- this is a huge indicator of codependancy.
"He actually broke up with me before anything may have happened with his old girlfriend (she is 400 miles away)." You have decided to wait for this man to work out his issues with an old girlfriend because he is "worth it."-- this is a huge indicator of codependancy.
"
...his sponsor is surprised at his actions. His advise to me was to let his chase whatever he thinks he is chasing, but in the mean time, I need to take care of me. I know that its sound advise...just easier said than done." You are meddling in his life at the level of actually talking about him with his sponsor, (something absolutely wrong on the part of the sponsor, and very meddling and codependant on your part)-- this is a huge indicator of codependancy.
"Its funny, people in support groups have called me co-dependent (I am a very independent woman), they have called me a stalker (I have actually cut all contact with him), just because I have said I love this man and am willing to give him the time he needs to sort his emotions out. Maybe I am a bit crazy for willing to do this, but some people, regardless if they are recovering or not, are simply worth the wait...I happen to think he is." 
"He has offered me everything in a relationship that any woman could want or ask for when we were together." "...he has to follow his heart or he will hate himself (regarding his old girlfriend). We all tend to follow our hearts, sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't What you wanted was an emotionally unavailable person who dumps you to pursue relationships with other women? Really? ."-- saying "we" instead of "I" is another indicator that something needs to be looked at.Also, "We" don't all tend to follow our hearts. People who are codependant like myself tend to follow their hearts. Healthy people follow their brains.
"I just want to be supportive of him (of course to a point as I am not going to set myself up to be hurt again) and I want him to know that I will be here for him no matter what. Sometimes, I think that my being as independent and financially stable as I am overwhelms him just a bit...I dunno!" This paragraph s highly indicative or codependancy. Independant people aren't there for other people no matter what; codependant people are there for other people no matter what.
I wish you the best, I truly do, but there is no question in my mind because I am a codependant person who has been in recovery since 2003 and I'm married to a recovering alcoholic, that Al-Anon is the right place for you to be. Keep an open mind, do not be defensive, and try at least six meetings before you decide if it is for you. Here you go:
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
Take care,
Cyranoak
P.s. I'm glad you found us online--another sign that you are looking for answers outside of yourself, and that there may be more to your story than you have shared.
