Originally Posted by endlesspatience

Dear Katie

Thank you for the honest post. I think most of us can relate to what you are talking about in terms of the empty lonely feeling that follows the break up of a relationship. I had it intensely after a divorce and it still sometimes returns to trouble me, especially when I'm at gatherings where there are a lot of couples.

I remain single and sometimes that's frustrating. But I don't feel anything like as bad as I used to do. Partly, that's because I am making a lot of good friends in AA as I move towards recovery. I am also involved in a church where I have met new people and that's been helpful. Last year I even joined a gardening club for a while which was fun. All of these things would have been very out of character for me before because I was a person who thought the only place to really socialise was inside a bar and if that wasn't possible I preferred to isolate myself, drink alone and listen to heartbreak music.

I try to start each day now with prayer and medidation and take myself to as many group functions as I can, even if I don't really want to go. And I have tried to stop thinking about looking for a partner all the time. As I recover and grow stronger and as I learn to accept God's love, my self-esteem has been rising and my loneliness has diminished very considerably.

To be honest I am still not sure I am ready for another relationship, even though I want one. At the moment, I am concentrating on finding God's will for me in other areas of my life and dealing with the self-destructive thought processes that drew me to addiction and this site in the first place. When I feel my recovery is more solid, I can then start to open my heart to another person in a loving relationship which could last. But that's a little further down the path for me. At the moment, I am happy with being single and enjoying a life in which I go to strive to be sober, outward-looking and understanding towards others.