CSHNow

I am very new here, but have been reading the posts a lot, trying to decide if I have a problem or not. Well it looks as if I certainly do. I cannot resist replying to the posts in this thread with a bit of my own experience for what it is worth. I am NOT suggesting that the man in question is or is not playing you, but it does sound like it to me. I am trying to recover from something similar myself.
Here is my experience.
In 2007 I was on a dating site, probably not the best place to be, but I wanted to date...anyway a local male of the right age contacted me and we met for a coffee. I knew almost instantly that it wasn't going to progress to a date and so I let it go and carried on dating and meeting others. In August 2009 this same male came into a shop I was working in and began chatting me up. He reminded me we had met before and then I recognized who he was. I was friendly but cool because I wasn't really interested anymore and he also told me that he was still dating and seeing regularly a woman he had known from long ago. (It turns out they had a child together who is now an adult over 30 and has a son of her own.) He didn't tell me this for several months. He began to show up around my work and asked me out for coffee and meals. Initially I declined. He traveled regularly with the other woman and told me of their trips, however, when I asked about their relationship he claimed he wasn't comfortable discussing her with me. I know I was totally stupid to see him at all, but I did, and eventually, just over a year later we ended up being intimate. He was extremely passionate and then very complimentary, and by this time I was quite smitten with him. From the very beginning in 2007 he claimed that he wanted to end the relationship with her. I could pretty well see that wasn't going to happen if it hadn't happened since 2007. However, as silly as I was I still continued to see him, but after roughly 3 weeks of becoming intimate he suddenly, and right out of the blue, sent me an email ending everything with me. I guess I had it coming. I knew better. It was such a shock and when I replied via email and one more face to face encounter he very coldly claimed that "He didn't want to upset his family and that they knew the other woman and liked her"
I am telling all this to maybe open some eyes. I know it opened mine and I am still trying to get over it.
It is a valuable lesson and one that I have learned the hard way. It seems to me that this man had absolutely NO intention of being with me and NO intention of leaving his other relationship. He is twice divorced, sees this other woman, who apparently knows nothing of his infidelities, and continues to pursue other women.
He has 2 adult sons who struggle with drug addictions.
My past is not lily white I have to confess. I myself have been married and divorced 3 times. My last husband died of alcoholism one year after we divorced. I still suffer with the guilt of leaving him and then he died. We were married for 25 years, but I couldn't live with his drinking any longer.
I suppose I am codependent. Oddly I have now begun to enjoy a glass or 3 or 4 of wine regularly myself, even though I have never been a drinker before.
I seem to be vulnerable to people with problems and want to "fix" their lives for them. I want to nurture them. I am currently helping to care for my elderly mother who lives nearby. I couldn't EVER let her go to a longterm care facility and so I assist her husband to care for her at home. Is that codependence ???
I am feeling shattered by being dumped by this man. I resisted him for a long time and then after giving in and becoming infatuated with him I am still left trying to figure out if I am too needy or have some other problem that turned him off. He has broken all contact with me and I cannot ask to see him again as it is too humiliating. Someone told me that he emotionally seduced me.
Thinking back I can imagine that he may have been struggling with alcoholism and other problems. He was extremely careful about having a drink.
Sorry for the rambling.
I think what I am getting at is that for anyone to "wait" for another who is dealing with problems and other relationships is what I thought I was doing with him and I ended up being "burned"