I don't think I could do this at all or even be willing if I didn't know that I really loved him more than anything. I am still struggling with all of the abuse that I have put up with. I don't even know who I am anymore. I have completely isolated myself from all of my friends and even most of my family.
I always thought the "I love him more than ANYTHING" line was so romantic. That's what we're taught isn't it...stand by your man, love him more than you love yourself, put him and everyone else first...
Am learning and have now come to believe that it's all just bull.
The reason you and I and a lot of people here put up with abuse, lose ourselves, isolate and think that love will conquer all is
because we love them more than we love ourselves. If we loved ourselves we wouldn't put us through the abuse. We would know it's not right or natural to stick by a man who abuses you and who puts alcohol before his family.
It does take a while before you realise that living with an alcoholic changes you. It took me 2 years of complete insanity to find this forum and start on my path of change but Sober Recovery worked for me and it can help you too.
What helped me more than anything was learning about codependancy. Learning about enabling and stopping it. Learning about detaching and doing it. Learning about boundaries and enforcing them and learning how to love myself more than I loved him, putting me first because no one else did.
I really suggest finding an alanon meeting in your area but know that it can take time to will up the courage to go.
In the mean time try and get on Amazon or Ebay etc. and order a copy of "Codependant No More" by Melody Beattie. It will open your eyes and the whole way through it you'll be thinking "this is me, this is me"!
The stickys (permanent threads) at the top of the Friends and Family forum have so much information, read as much as you can and educate yourself about codependency and alcoholism, if you're planning on sticking with him then you need all the energy and "power" you can muster and education gives you the tools to hold on to yourself amid the madness.
Happy Christmas. xx