Thread: Where to Start?
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Old 12-24-2010, 06:08 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
naive
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
thanks for the update, starcat.

and glad to hear you got the deadbolt installed and you are safe and sound.

i'll second coffeedrinker's advice to not enter into a talking relationship with G at this time, but i am sure you will soon come to that conclusion on your own. the problem is that it's difficult to get on with your life and your recovery when you are in contact with them.

i'm wondering why you feel to make a pecan pie and deliver it to his mother? since you have all the ingredients, why not make the pie and enjoy it yourself? i found that separating from my xABF meant i had to also separate from his friends and family, at least for the short term.

as for his checkbook, why not drop it in the post? the bank mails checkbooks to us, so i don't see why you couldn't post it to him. i would stay away from his mother's house, as he is living there. it's a recipe for disaster.

i found, for myself, it was best to go no contact as everytime i spoke to him, i got sucked back in because obviously, we are not indifferent to their well-being.

however, they are master manipulators and they become quite focused on "getting their enabler back" so that they can return to the cozy home we've created and get back to their drinking in comfort.

everytime i spoke with my xABF after i left he tried one of the following tactics:

1. i love you
2. i'm sorry, i'll change.
3. i'll go to AA but i need your help
4. threats and intimidation
5. the poor me..."no wonder you don't want to be with me, even i hate myself"
6. the medical emergency...note: this one i did fall for...beware!
7. the homeless emergency: show up sick, dirty, tired on doorstep
8. the new lover: to try to make me jealous...this one worked too in a twisted way...beware!
9. the leaving: this tactic is to leave our town and move somewhere else...obviously, an alcoholic does not have the wherewithal to actually succeed in moving, so he was always back within a few days...look at this as a drunken holiday sleeping in the car ( and the bluff it is. )
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