I am in a similiar situation. My previous pain doctor stopped prescribing because he thought I had a new pain doctor that was going to start prescribing in November. I was on 60mg a day of methadone for chronic pain for over 5 yrs. It worked well and I had a quality of life. My primary care doctor was so upset that I ended up in detox that she got me on suboxone. Suboxone doesn't help my severe pain (from degenerative disk disease, fibromyalsia, spinal stenosis, facet joint disease and osteoarthritis in my hands, back, and now my left knee has bursitis and needs surgery). The new pain clinic will not prescribe me my methadone so right now I either have to continue the suboxone (to keep from being so sick) or go to a methadone clinic. I managed my methadone properly but my old pain doc had me trying oxycontin then mscontin and I had bad reactions to both (plus insurance won't pay for oxycontin) that I got put back on methadone. I was tried on Fentanyl patches over 1.5 yrs ago but the adhesive burned my skin *2nd degree burns*. I had tried suboxone for a clinical pain trial over 6 yrs ago, I stayed on for 1 yr, but after 8 months the suboxone was increased to the highest dose of 32mg a day and it stopped working so I was released and the new doctor (my old primary care) put me on Methadone, then she closed her practice and I went to a psyc/pain mgt doctor, and now I have none. The new clinic I tried refuses to give me any narcotic even though my previous pain doc recommended it and the doctor before him also gave me a great reference. They said I had a dirty urine (morphine) back in Oct 2010, I cannot remember if I was on a trial of MSContin or not at that point, I don't think so. I checked my med log and I was only taking methadone and hydrocodone. There was a mistake on the test, they said I was positive for a herion metabolite, and I really wasn't so who's to say the rest of the test was right? They said there was no hydrocodone and I have it down in my med log that I was taking it at the time! I did not go to "the street" for anything, methadone worked great for me and now I am suffering. I also have to struggle to get a prescription for celexa and welbutrine (I have been on those since way before I had chronic pain!!). I am very upset! I am not doctor shopping, but I am looking for an understanding pain specialist and a new psychiatrist since I cannot be dumped off my anti-depressants at the same time as being dumped off major pain medication! Its barbaric when doctors do that to people! Hang in there, take what you have left AS PRESCRIBED and be honest with your new doctor, if he/she doesn't understand and won't help you, then you know they would not be a good fit for you, keep trying! Don't go to the street, I did ONCE and because I was honest about using herion ONCE (I don't barely remember I was only 6 days off methadone and I was CRAZY threatening suicide so a "friend" brought me herion, I did not want it, but was coerced by promises of feeling better. It didn't work, I had a reaction to it and had to go to hospital the next day. I am VERY embarrassed! Now that's in my record! Some doctors will understand but most won't, so don't make that mistake! Hang in there and I wish you the BEST of luck. Let us know what happens.
Practice "self-compassion". Let go of those "stupid" everyday trivial things that can bring a recovering addict to their knees. Its more important to focus on yourself and love yourself even if you do "mess-up a bit". :ghug3