Hi Kate and welcome.
There just isn't a lot out there for codies except 12 step. There are plenty of people who are not particularly religious who can make good use of the programs, though. We say "take what you need and leave the rest". You might shop around until you find an alanon group with several people who think like you in it. They're out there. And you are certainly welcome here.
The fact that you are becoming violent with him is pretty alarming. I smacked Dino once, too. It's part of how I knew we had to get away from each other. Violence has a way of escalating. If you can't get peaceful, and fast, with the fact that you live with a drinker and that he's not going to change, I don't care how married you feel. It's dangerous for you to be around him. Your need to control the situation extends to physical force and THAT is a road you don't want to go down, too. We can't change anyone but ourselves, so for safety's sake it's either your attitude or your living situation that has to alter. You don't have to have co-counseling. You can see a therapist on your own. But please do something because you're sitting on a powder keg.
I'm glad you joined us.
Hugs,
Smoke