Hi everyone,
I am settled and working and feeling great about being away from AH and having my own space and life. I hardly talk to him at all and when i do it is brief and business at hand, only. Nothing personal and I have made it very clear i will make no decisions about anything for one year! I am not dissecting things he says, but storing them in my head for "data" to help me gauge my thinking and working very hard on catching myself trying to "fix" things and therefore influence his thinking- THAT IS NOT MY JOB ANYMORE!!!- and it is a great relief.
I realize how twisted, sick and sad i was, even though i had no clue, while allowing my entire life to surround a binging, dishonest and twisted alcoholic. What the heck was I thinking.
I could care less that I have started all over again, it is all worth it! even at my age....and I am feeling like a bit of a kid because of it, so in my middle 50's I am so glad to be alone, and have my own space and even during this holiday season, i have no sad feelings about my decision to leave my AH and remove Alcoholism from my life. I have established my boundaries and feel very proud for doing that. So far...and it has been just about two months now, I feel empowered, vital and positive! i love being around my kids and grandkids and away from the sickness and not being blamed and condemned for my every action. I am so lucky to have friends and family that appreciate me and let me know they care about me.
I still am astonished that i remained married to someone for 20 years that continued to tell me how much he loved me, then treated me like yesterday's trash and i tried to "behave" so I could get the love that was never available but always promised!! how sick is that??
Anway, my time online is so limited now that i'm working full time and have such a busy life with meetings, yoga, work and family, but will check in when i can....and wish you all Happy, Healthy Holidays and thank you for being here when i was so isolated and sad and scared.....you helped me stay strong and I appreciate that more than you know!!
I only wish the same feeling to those of you who are still feeling the brunt of another's disease...you don't deserve it, no matter what!!! remember those three C's...you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it...take care of you, that is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your families.
