Thread: hi im victoria
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Old 12-23-2010, 02:07 AM
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StarCat
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Originally Posted by WVVicki View Post
He woke me up to ask me why all the lights were off. Then he woke me back up at 5 because he couldn't find his pants. He had taken them off somewhere and couldn't find them. Next, his phone was wet, and of course it was my fault.
Sounds like G. I think when he's drunk and not feeling well, being waited on hand and foot makes him feel better, and me trying to sleep makes him upset.
"Where's my water?" "I want a sandwich." "Restart the movie, I want to see the beginning." "Why can't you keep my water cold?" "Why is it taking so long for you to go to bed? You take forever to wash dishes." "I don't understand a word you're saying."
He's actually kept me up entire nights, then is actually offended the next day when I start to fall asleep in the car, or when my sentences don't make any sense. ("I forgot to take the dinosaur out of the freezer so we'll have to have television for dinner don't worry about digging the water it's not your fault").

Originally Posted by WVVicki View Post
He called me and was being very mean on the phone. He was telling me about how I don't respect him. I told him that respect is a two way street. I don't understand how he can think it's okay for him to be completely and totally disrespectful to me, but he still expects me to have the utmost respect for him.
G is always telling me that I don't care about him, I made a "jack***" out of him (one of his two favorite words when drunk), I don't respect him, I don't stick up for him...
It's called "projection" - although he won't admit it. He knows he has a problem, he doesn't want it to be his fault, so he'll accuse me of it instead so he feels better. Or he'll yell at me to provoke me until I snap, then accuse me of the same behaviors he's been doing for the last three hours leading up to the snap.
I actually took a swing at him this morning, which is something I've never done before, although I've been tempted more frequently. (Luckily I was too upset to have good aim, and missed. He may frustrate the heck out of me, but I don't want to cause him any physical harm.)

Originally Posted by WVVicki View Post
His next rant was him saying that he is just a paycheck to me. He told me that our relationship cant be fixed. He said those words.
Yep, G again. "Now that the apartment is all squared away and decorated you want me out of your life. I hope you're kinder to the next guy, because you certainly ruined our relationship, and the holidays, and <insert lots of other things here>."

Originally Posted by WVVicki View Post
I would love for things to be good again, but it doesn't look like we are going to get there. He is so mean and cold and unkind. I don't know what to do.
I keep hoping that the G I fell in love with is in there somewhere. When he doesn't drink I see glimpses of him, but I'm too afraid to trust anymore. He has become the master of manipulation, because he doesn't want to be the one at fault. Recognize it for what it is, and if you're in a situation where you're afraid you might do/say something you don't want to do/say, remove yourself from that situation as best you can.

Alcoholics take hostages, I have been reminded this multiple times by a recovering alcoholic here at work. Your first step is to make sure you don't become a hostage, your second is to fix yourself. Easier said then done, yes, but his drinking is not your fault (even if he says it is), and you have to recognize and truly accept that before you can do anything else.
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