raisingirl, you certainly are welcomed to the club of people whose lives have been influenced by alcoholism. Unfortunately you are feeling the after-effects of alcoholism.
You trusted and loved your alcoholic boyfriend and your heart is broken. Your emotions are normal for losing your hopes and dreams of a fulfilling life with your exABF. It will take time for you to heal your open wounds from this relationship.
I think it's a good idea to start attending Al-Anon meetings in your city. You will certainly be welcomed there. You don't have to share your experiences until you feel comfortable to do so. You will find support through Al-Anon and SR. Like someone posts, SR is open 7/24 hours 365 days a year.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Phoenix