crystal226

Dreamt last night that STBXAH (is that soon to be x?) and I got back together. He came to me saying he still loved me and wanted me back. We spent some time together at the park. We were swinging on a swing set in harmony and talking about all the good times we had together. I decided to give him a chance because of this interaction. Things seemed very harmonious and magical between us and I felt back in deep love with him and our life together.

Then I was with him at what used to be home. The house was beautiful and how I like to remember it being. We went to bed together and held each other talking a bit more before I feel asleep. I felt safe and cozy.

In the morning I awoke and discovered he had been up during the night and had gone to buy a beer. He had promised me he wasn’t drinking, but decided to go for “just one.” He said it was only one beer and he was still doing great with his sobriety otherwise. He got defensive and I got upset. I got quiet for a while and started thinking about my life. He sat there watching TV.

Then it was like there was a shift. The house I was in went from being clean and beautiful (what I remembered as home) to being totally messy with beer bottles and trash everywhere (the way it looked after I left to live with my mom). It was a crazy shift that in the dream felt profound and powerful. It was a shift into reality. I stepped outside of the fantasy of the way I thought things were and wanted them to be. I stepped into reality.
After more sitting with him in quiet I stood up and approached STBXAH. I told STBXAH I had made a mistake. I thought coming back would be great because we had such great times and such a beautiful connection, but the truth is it wasn’t that way anymore and I had to accept that. The kids were there this time playing and I gently told them we were going back to grandmas.

-Very powerful dream. Felt like a gift from my HP. Reminded me that while there once was a magical connection and some amazing times between us when we were young (I felt the park and swings represented that) that now in the present things had changed. I went back to him because I missed being young and carefree and I missed the times we used to share, but when things shifted from fantasy to reality I knew it was time to move on. I see the beauty in what we shared and I know I love him, but I can’t live in the fantasy anymore. Things will never be what they were; they are only what they are now. I feel a sense of sadness today, but I also feel very at peace with my life. Thought I would share this with my friends at SR.