sweetie42, I completely identify with what you said about it being like living with 2 different people. When my XAH was working a 12 step program he was an humble, loving, compassionate man. When he went back to drinking he became an arrogant, self-serving victim of the world. It was truly like two different people in the same body. My situation is different as I had no children. I also took my vows seriously but in the end I could no longer tolerate the insanity. I've been divorced nearly a year and wouldn't change a thing except to have done it sooner.
I would highly suggest that you find a local AlAnon group. AlAnon and this forum saved my life and I am thankful for both of them.