Sweetie
, I found SR when I was doing a web surf for "dry drunk syndome". My DDH acts and behaviors very similiar to how you described your husband. I've come to realize my DDH is psychologically and verbally abusive to me. I posted a thread here on SR entitled "Psychological/emotional/ verbal Abuse" that I suggest you check out. It sounds like your husband is a dry drunk. A "Dry Drunk" is someone not drinking, but not 'Of Sober Mind' either. There are several websites that discuss dry drunks.
Living with a dry drunk and someone who is psychological/emotional/verbal abusive can make you feel like you are going
CRAZY! Psychological/ emotional/verbal abuse can turn into physical abuse, and by what you described, it might be doing.
"On Saturday, he started yelling at our son over a hockey stick - it was so hurtful and so ugly. He came within inches of hitting him, but he has never laid a hand on any of us. Today he threw a shovel and yelled at our daughter." "Currently, I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills because I am struggling to deal with this." I am, also, on anti-depressants and sleeping pills to help me. I, also, suffered a massive stroke last December. I'm not going to place all the blame on living with my DDH......but, I'm sure the stress didn't help!
"I do not want to hurt my kids and they comment often about how glad they are that we are not divorced as so many of their friends come from families that are." No child, how old they are, wants to see their parents get divorced. I stuck it out for the sake of the children. However, it's now effecting my very survival. I'm making plans on moving out in January. My children are 35 and 19 years old. My 35 year old son understands the reason that I must move out, but he still wishes it could have been different. There is so much hostility between my 19 year old son and his dry drunk father that I fear for a physical fight between the two of them. Right now I'm just doing my best to keep them separate.
I think the most profound thing you can do for your children is to teach them that
YOU and
THEY are
NOT helpless and stand up for
YOUR's and
THEIR RIGHTS!
I know what I'm suggesting is
NOT going to be easy...... as a matter of fact it might be one of the hardest things you have ever done in your life!
I suggest you start individual therapy for yourself. Attend Alanon meetings. Keep using SR for support.
But most important is to
"Let Go and Let God"!
Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Love and Peace,
Phoenix