FreeingMyself, how are your kids handling the separation? I am so concerned for them and like you, I do not want them to think this is normal and that they will think it is ok to be treated this way or to treat others this way in their relationships. Everything is so difficult now and I don't cry, I don't react, I just try to be strong and keep going, but I am completely numb inside and I just so badly want to live my life and be happy. I want to enjoy the things that I should enjoy, like the holiday's, but now, I don't now what is going to happen. The thought of going into separation seems so difficult to me, I suppose that is part of the codependency thing - I just want to avoid this and keep on going like nothing is wrong, but it is little by little, taking everything from me and I know that there needs to be change. Any tips on how to handle this with the kids, what to expect, from someone who has gone down this road would be great. He came home last night and said that he feels he needs to separate himself from the family and get help and I agree. I hate that it is Christmas this week. My kids just want to have a normal, happy family Christmas and I don't know what is going to happen, not to mention what will happen when my own disfunctional family finds out. I have kept everything from them because my sister went down the same path I did, went thru a horrible marriage, 2 kids and horrible divorce, she was suicidal and had to be admitted to the hospital. My parents take care of her, she still deals with many issues with her ex. I am going to consider you all my family to talk to, as I really have no where else to turn. I am ashamed, embarassed and I don't know how I will explain this to others when we are separated. I know this post is just rambling, but it sure is helpful to get it out! Thank you so much for your posts and support!! I hope that I can pay it forward and help others here as well!!