Need someone to talk to
Hi all! It is nice to know I'm not alone in this world of living with a recovering alcoholic! I don't know why it took me so long to reach out for support! I found this website as my last resort. I do not know what to do. The stress of my whole situation is making me sick. Today I could not eat. My husband is an alcoholic in recovery - 15 years of sobriety. We have been married for 17 years and we have 2 kids - daughter 16, son 13. Even though my husband is not drinking, his behavior is not normal. I have been living with this for years. It is like living with 2 different people and I guess that is why I haven't left. When he is "himself" - he is the most wonderful, kind, caring, awesome person to be around. When he is in his "ism", is what we call it - he is a very depressed and angry person. On Saturday, he started yelling at our son over a hockey stick - it was so hurtful and so ugly. He came within inches of hitting him, but he has never laid a hand on any of us. Today he threw a shovel and yelled at our daughter. The kids and I have gotten to call these episodes "spells". They are horrible and ugly and hurtful. They have been happening more often lately. Currently, I am on anti-depressants and anti anxiety pills because I am struggling to deal with this. I do not want to hurt my kids and they comment often about how glad they are that we are not divorced as so many of their friends come from families that are. I had lunch with him this afternoon to try and talk about how his angry outbursts are hurtful to the kids and I know he feels very bad about it. Then he goes into a self-loathing state, his self esteem is very low and he does not want to be around anybody and keeps saying that he won't take any Christmas gifts. We never know what is going to set him off into one of his spells! I don't know how to be a good mother to my kids and I am fearful that if I do anything, he will commit suicide. Any encouraging words or advice would be welcome! Sorry, this is so long. Those that are living in this...I know you will understand!