And understood on Al-Anon as you have experienced it. Where I live in the United States Al-Anon isn't so soft as you can probably tell from my posts, focuses entirely on me rather than my AW, and you would find the average age of a group in my area is much, much, much lower than yours (I'd say around 40). I guess what works here may not work everywhere.
I also hear you on AA. My rotation, even though I don't consider myself an alcholic, includes two Al-Anon meetings and one open AA group where I'm their token "normie." I find it helps my recovery to be more rounded, and helps me to not hate alcoholics (which is my gut reaction to them).
That said, I think your idea to start an ACOA group, expecially if you live in or around a bigger city like Sydney or Melbourne, will probably be a blessing to many, many people. I wish there were a good ACOA or Alateen meeting in my area for my daughter (and there is not).
Good luck!
Cyranoak
P.s. What the heck is the red book? Maybe I don't know because my folks didn't drink.
Originally Posted by
Floss 
Thankyou to everyone for your replies. Phoenix, I love the Just For Today list. Thank you for sharing that. Thanks Uncertainty for your response. Naive, I totally agree with what you're saying and I get a little cranky with myself when I step out of reality and go into fantasy mode. Staying grounded and looking at things without rose coloured glasses is something I've struggled with all my life and just when I thought I'd well and truly thrown the glasses away, I found myself looking through them again. I am continually helping people in different ways, and yes, learning to guard myself from those who don't wish to help themselves (a hard thing to do at times, but I'm slowly getting there). I gave up volunteer telephone counselling after a particularly difficult suicide call and then finding a suicide 4 days later, the result of alcoholism and separation for the poor fellow. In my life now, apart from raising my five children on my own, I'm a good friend. I do, however, have to watch my tendency to take on too much. So taking time out for me, when I'm able, and not 'helping' when I'm physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted is something I'm starting to do.
Coyote, I laughed at your response. Too true! Hey, I need a tropical island holiday, all expenses paid! Buffalo, yes, you're right, they will only stop if they want to. This is what I'm so cranky about! I know this, and yet, for a moment, it looked like a little ray of hope to me! Can't even believe I went there in my head!
Ha ha, Cyranoek, I know it was dumb! Really dumb! But, oh well, we live and we learn again... As for Al-Anon, I've been going on and off for years. The problem is, I find myself dragging my feet to the meeting in my area and find AA a better fit for me (maybe because I'm an ACoA and have the disease without necessarily picking up the drink?). Anyway, after reading your reply, I asked myself why I drag my feet to Al-Anon. This is what I've come up with....
1) I don't live with any A's and so, don't need to learn how to detach from them whilst they're drunk under the same roof (although I know I need to detach from the ones that are in my life and not living with me regardless).
2) I am so sick of putting any focus on the A's (I know it doesn't sound like it from my post). I don't want to sit in a meeting and hear about all the ways I can live in spite of the A's in my life. I want a meeting where the focus is on me and not revolving around 'them'. I want to heal my spiritual malady and I know for me, that's going to take heavy duty work. I need an ACoA meeting where they use the 'red book' and it's a meaty, intense, in your face kind of support group. Sometimes I find Al-Anon too wishy washy and soft (sorry if I'm offending anyone!).
3. Everyone in the Al-Anon group I go to is between 60 to 80+ years of age. None of them have active A partners in their lives. All their partners are either dead, in AA and sober for years and years and one is around 80 and has dementia. A couple of them have A children. There was one younger member for a while (about 40 years of age), with an active A partner. She's also in the AA fellowship. We related well to each other but she left after a time because she felt it wasn't a good fit for her and she didn't relate that well to the rest of the group.
4. There are not many groups to pick from in my area...so, finding a better fit is a hard thing to do.
5. That's probably why I like AA better. They work the steps in a more 'in your face' kind of way and I can relate to it better.
So, I'm thinking about starting my own ACoA meeting next year. I've heard some of them are very similar to Al-Anon and some of them focus on the Red Book. I'd like to get into the nitty gritty and go through the Red Book, one step at a time. Even if it's a meeting for one to begin with, I'm going to do it...Plus, I'm going back to start counselling again after Christmas. Come hell or high water, I'm going to recover! lol...