Thank you everyone. To answer some of your questions, I saw a therapist about a year and a half ago. It helped to vent, but really didn't give me any insight as what to do. Maybe I should find a different one. I researched the shelters in our area and did send him the info multiple times. His response: "take your shelter and shove it up your a** "
How dare you keep me away from MY KIDS? I will not have you poison them with lies about me......" blah blah blah. I have considered screening him and I suppose my reasons for not doing so are just codependent excuses.
I have to say that just having people out there who understand and have walked in my shoes really helps. I find your posts funny, heartbreaking, familiar and helpful. Misery does love company, after all. Thank you all so very much just for listening. I know what I need to do, but hearing others tell me exactly that is comforting. THANK YOU ALL.