I,too,couldnt start working the program when i was with my ab.
I started to really work step one when i hit my bottom,not a minute before. i broke up with him now and working the steps,actually it's the steps that keep me from going back to him because step one is about detachement and respecting powerlessness,i know that i cant make anything better than it is ,i also know i cant deny the hurt and pain caused by his actions,choices and way of treating me,i used to endure and tolerate and accept unacceptable because i was so afraid of feeling the pain of letting go and not being with him,step one tought me to let go and detach without pain,tought me to take care of myself and to give up and give in when i'm hurt,to stop enduring and tolerating and accept the facts,i accepted the fact that my bf is an addict and an abuser,that i cant deny those two facts anymore or handle things beyond my power,there's nothing i can do to change those facts,nothing i can do to make him a better person.i used to turn myself inside out to please him,avoid his anger but now i know its not in my hands ,step one will bring you to a safe point,to accept your powerlessness and right now i try to hold on to this step as hard as i can to stay away from him.