Marcus, I also did the systematic apportioning of pills, using pillboxes with each day marked for the right dose. I would just "steal" from the furthest out date, figuring I would find a way to replenish my supply later. Well, but luck ran out. If I hadn't run out of pills, I would not be off oxycodone now. It was not even a taper at the end. Down from 300 pills a month to ZERO over the course of the last three days I took them.
I agree I did this to myself. I do wish that those who see you trying to taper don't take a more active role. I wish my doctor had made my husband come to my visits with me, or another assigned "sponsor", to see to it that I did what I was supposed to do. However, I just went to the dentists for extra pills behind the doctor's back anyway. So it isn't his fault.
All my fault. I did this to myself. I have a lot of guilt. I have a long way to go to feel normal again.