Originally Posted by
Rhode 
Thank you all for your answers. There seem to be unanimity that what I’m contemplating is the wrong way to go. The thought process that led me to this idea centered around the fact that I would be doing something good for HER by being hard on her. That by my being forgiving –I wasn’t doing her any favor.
I don’t want to tell her “Get out!” because it will go to the core of her fears of abandonment. I want to give her a sense that I’m here for her if she tries to quit.
And with respect to the children – they love her, and she loves them. The drinking affects her into being more irritable, more tired, less attentive to the kids, an occasional burst of anger. But she is not an abusive parent in the more typical sense of the word. And I may not be objective because they are my children – but I think they are growing well and happy and I’m proud of their achievements. They are almost always jovial and boisterous and have no behavior problems that can be attributed to their mom being an alcoholic.
If you tell her to leave she may very well seek advice from other drunks and she may try to accuse you of abuse and get a restraining order that could force you to vacate but continue to pay the bills, send her money that she would use for booze while still caring for young children ( a dangerous scenario)
Believe me, currently she sees you as the ENABLER, the good guy, once you stop enabling, you may become despised by her, or despised by what alcohol has done to her.
I would highly suggest you document her drinking, video, audio, pics, etc etc, receipts because she will continue to deteriorate emotionally and physically and you MUST protect your kids and yourself.
My exAW at one point tried to get me to leave our home assuring me her and her friends would pay the bills however the mortgage was in my name only. Her friends were either unemployed drunks, or minimum wage seasonal worker drunks.
Don't stop loving her but please understand that alcohol is in control of the person you married and it is progressive.