I guess that I never updated some things: The "no talking to kids" policy evaporated some time ago. The kids talk to me frequently and honestly. I have told them about ala-teen, but they have resisted so far. The oldest has confided in his church group leader. I make it a point to not bash her but neither do I ignore the behavior. I stress to the kids that it is a disease that she has to deal with. They are very aware of her and avoid her when there is a problem. Of course this upsets her but she fully understands why.