Rhode, I was just reading your update and wanted to share with you as a recovering alcoholic. I think its great that you and wife spoke....that she is limiting her wine consumption and had only a sip to deal wtih the shakes.
I see huge red flag and I speak from experience. The door is open and if she is an alcoholic then there is the assumption that she can moderate. Didn't work for me and led to years of continual headbanging. She needs to quit not only for her but for the children. She needs to begin recovery and to have support - more then a loving hopeful husband. AA, counseling, SMART....etc. To help her rebuild and to live life again.
I wish you well and really urge you to seek support for yourself and to take necessary steps to protect you and the children.
Maybe she can cutback.....for days...weeks....maybe months. Point is....she is still drinking and its a vicious cycle that won't leave anyone happy in the end. Progressive it is indeed.
Keep sharing your journey.