phlegmatic

Hi everyone,

So my AH has been gone for about four months now. He went to stay with some family halfway across the country. For the first three months he was gone, I was still so angry at him that I never thought about him coming back. Then around Thanksgiving I got lonely and thought it might be good for him to come back.

My requirements were that he had to attend 30 AA meetings before he could come back, and then he had to go straight to inpatient.

After three AA meetings, he went on a bender. He then found out he could see a free community counselor in his area. I told him to feel free to replace AA with the counselor.

One week later, I am wondering why I was so willing to let him come back. He is unemployed and on my health insurance, and so I feel obligated to help him. But in the real world, he can get a job and insurance, right?!?

I think what I have decided is that I cannot handle this as a relationship anymore. I love him and want to help him get help, but I am just exhausted thinking about our "relationship."

I am still thinking long and hard about this, but I think I am going to tell him it is really over after the new year. I don't want to tell him this during the holidays. It also sucks because I will have to do this over the phone. Oh, and I have been paying his bills. He is living off a credit card and is about to max it out and I am paying that and a few other of his bills. I can't do this anymore after December. I have to tell him that as well.

So anyway, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the horrible guilt that comes with this? I fear that he will hurt himself (worse than he already is), and that it will be my fault.