closetdrinker

OK folks, lets say I am in a very visible professional occupation, with a teetotaling lovely christian wife, and happy family and I am a public official who drank heavily albeit secretly. I fought this nearly forever. I have no DUIs, Never missed work and am completely functional in all visbile aspects of my life, career and family. I have no complaints there. My drinking began with a few beers several times a week, to almost daily, a six pack of beer nearly each night for 8 years.

I took up running to fill the time I spent drinking. It helped, cut the offending behavior to 3-4 times at most per week, even finished marathons.

Now suffering with a farm related back injury. I can not run. I am limited physically, which has led me to drink again almost daily. Some nights its back pain, other nights its boredom. Dont want to do that.

I can force myself not to drink for days straight. I am not the type who drinks one drink without control and dont know what happens next.

Worse, I am a fully functional alcoholic, albeit secret. When my family is home, I do not drink.

I want to stop.

In the course of surgery for my back, a CT/MRI shows fatty liver. Yes, I know whats that's from. No liver or health problems, but no discipline to stop my drinking, 6-7 beers, on good weeks, twice a week, on the majority of bad weeks, up to 5 nights a week. This is no good.

I went to a counseler, paid for by my professional association. They said I'm not an alcoholic, but a binge drinker on the way to alcoholisim. I may be an alcholic albeit fully functional at present.

I know about AA, went there in my teen years and quit for 20 years. Fearfull of going there now. I am an elected official. I am very visible.

I'd be happy to take antibuse or any pill as this sucks. You know that. My health is fine, but my doctor thinks counseling is all encompassing. As I said, fearfull of going there.

So here I am. Hoping and working toward the new year.


God bless
closet drinker