Cyranoak

although she is not the primary breadwinner. Having said that, and having been down this road for about 12 years now, I'm only going to share with you three things. All three things I strongly believe and there is no order of importance; they are all important-- take what you want and leave the rest.

1. Silence is not golden. Do not let her control the situation or hide it by telling you who you can talk to about her drinking, ESPECIALLY your children. This is a stereotypical alcoholic tactic. Anything to continue the sham. I feel I hurt my daughter a great deal by letting my wife do this for so long, and believe we are not serving our children when we model the behavior where the drinker gets to dictate what we talk about with each other. I think it is damaging and life changing for them. Please consider no longer ignoring the elephant in the room. Please. Note also that this is a tactic used with prisoners of war and law enforcement-- keep everybody separate and don't let them talk to each other. It sounds dramatic, and she may not be completely cogent that is what she is doing, but it's exactly what she is doing. Exactly.
   
2. Something is going to have to change around the finances, because for her to use her work as an excuse to not get help (also typical alcoholic MO) could be equally or more damaging to the family. Try as you might, the most likely conclusion here if she tries to muscle it on her own or with Anabuse is a worsening of this progressive disease (unless she does it in a treatment center-- that works for some people. Some.). I suppose you can wait this out and see what happens, but if it's not successful use what you learn from it to make your decisions going forward. I'd still encourage you to think around your ability to earn-- you may need it.
   
3. Al-Anon, Al-Anon, Al-Anon. It will be the best gift you have ever given yourself, as will Alateen for your children.

Take care and good luck. My thoughts go to you and your family.

Cyranoak