How do you accept the entire person?
I think either you can or you can't and only you can decide that. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to accept and I also spent a lot of time trying to "fix" my situation. The truth was all I could do was set boundaries, focus on my own needs, and let go of my expectations when it came to the results. In time I have found all the answers I needed. You have control over you and you get to decide what direction you want to take in your life.
Another thing I just wanted to mention is. In your second post you say something about how you are a bit more hopeful today after talking to your mother and about the good things your husband did. I am so glad you are feeling less anxious and more hopeful and it's great he cooked dinner with your boys, but if I could offer any advice I would be aware of how others influence your emotions and about how they change depending on circumstance. You don't live in a vacuum, but I put myself through a pretty terrible emotional roller coaster by allowing the actions of my AH and the opinions of my family to weigh to heavily on my mood for the day. For me it became very much like; AH was good then I was happy and ignoring the issues , AH wasn't then I was anxious/upset/angry/etc and reacting. I had to learn instead to keep my focus on my goals and desires regardless of the mood of the day and to take action instead of just reacting. Anyway, maybe this applies to you or maybe it doesn't, either way, something to think about.
Glad you found SR. It has been a lifeline for me and there is always so much wisdom and perspective to be found here , so keep posting.