I can see where you were all coming from with the waiting it out approach and it would have been interesting to see just how far he would be willing to take his lie, but I decided I couldn't do it. I already know he is a liar and I don't really need confirmation. It felt somehow wrong to me to hold back like that and I started to feel bad about not confronting him on the phone when he called earlier. So I called him up.
I was just calling to tell him I knew he lied and wasn't happy about it, but it turned out a bit different. Wish I had prepared better and been less reactive, but I wasn't (I will strive to do better next time). I also ended up spilling my guts on some of the other truths and told him that I want his friendship and to co-parent with him, but that I didn't want a romantic relationship anymore and this dishonest just solidifies my decision. I meant to wait until after Christmas and be more formal about it, but I guess I am just not a hold back kind of person so it is what it is.
He didn't try denying it, which was good. He pointed out a lie I told two weeks ago (which by the way I fixed five minutes after--I recognized it right away and took care of it--I am not a liar) and blame shifted. He got upset about me calling him instead of talking to him in person. He feels I should "give him another chance" he is "trying" and he would think that after 10 years I would "forgive him easier." Let's see I "ruined his life" and he "doesn't even know what to think anymore."
I was proud of myself because I remained calm. I just said to him that "these are the consequences of your actions" and that I told him I would not accept anymore lies and he lied to me the next day and carried it out an entire week. I told him I would forgive him, but that I couldn't offer any more to him than friendship and if the lies continue he will lose that as well. He asked what he could do and I just said "work on yourself that is all you can do. I reserve the right to change my mind, but I have no way to tell you what that would take." I then just said I would see him when he sees the kids tomorrow and good night.
I felt really shocked after I hung up the phone. Thinking about the gravity of what I just said. I didn't intend to say it that way or so soon, but I did and I am not about to take it back...it is time, I guess there is no sense in delaying. I feel a certain sense of freedom and relief, but I also feel all the second guessing and pain looming over me. It is only a matter of time before I break down and I know I need to stay strong. The trick will be fighting with my intense desire to fix it for him and my guilt for hurting him. With my feelings of empathy and pity for him and my discomfort in his pain. I know that this time I will be strong enough though. I love him and I don't want to hurt him, but if I don't I am going to just keep hurting me and just keep disregarding my own feelings and I can't do that anymore. I love me and I need to show myself that.
I picked up a letter he wrote me the day he started his assumed "recovery" and read it. There is one line in it that reads loud and clear, "I can also make the promise that I will never lie to you again no matter how uncomfortable it may be for me..." Two lies in two weeks since he said that to me. That is some powerful stuff! Wow it has been a long day...I think rest is in order!